There are times when life takes a turn and nothing is the same again and you know that nothing will ever go back to what it was. It is scary and liberating at the same time. Last couple of years have been drastic in terms of personal growth and expansion. I won’t be able to recognise the girl I was then. I am glad to have met the people I met and face the situations I faced because without them this would have not been the case.

I have become increasingly introvert and focused on my life. Social life is almost non-existent. And it doesn’t bother me anymore. I am not able to relate to a lot of people and slowly a lot of relatives and friends have become distant acquaintances.

I struggled throughout 2012 to find my purpose and my spiritual path. I was desperate for it and at one point it just felt so pointless that I gave it all up. I decided to let life be and the future to arrive when it does. This gave me peace of mind and allowed me to enjoy life in the now. I have never planned my life ever and everything that came up in life changed the direction of my life. While others think I have been courageous in the decisions that I have taken, I feel it just happened. And that I have been lucky to have life flow in the direction it has flown.

I left home for a job in another state leaving my then husband behind, to join me later. I would have never dreamt to do that and yet I did. I found myself in an investment banking job with one of the best Investment Banking companies in the world, not knowing what IB was or having ever heard about the company. Then one Monday morning I decided to quit my well paying banking job to pursue Corporate Training. Quit within a week and moved back home with parents. Now divorced, I spent the next year doing lots of Corporate Training gigs and enjoyed it. Married the love of my life and he decided to move to London. It was never on the cards and within a few months found myself living in London. I’ve been here for almost 7 yrs now and will soon be a British citizen which will enable me to travel a lot more and fulfil my travel dreams.

I have found 4-5 great friends with whom I can share all about my life and have a space where I will not be judged, where we all understand each other perfectly and resonate with each other. I have found my Soulmate and my TwinFlame. How many people can say that!! I am in total gratitude.

I still don’t think much about the future. I have no long term plans. I don’t know where life is going. Am I too much bothered about it? Not really.. I now understand that it’s ok to live in that uncertainty and not know where life is headed and have all the answers. Life has become an adventure and I look forward to where I will be in a month and in a year.

All my life I have lived in a fairytale world in my head. I avoided living in the practical world as much as I could and I still do. I live in a world I created for myself. It’s much more fun and safer there. To me fairytale was finding the love of my life and living happily ever after. It did not happen in my first marriage. I let it go, not losing faith in the possibility of a fairytale life. I found another that I could love and then another and then another. I have always had this innate ability to love. And the men I have fallen for have been either emotionally unavailable or non reciprocating. My current marriage by far has been the closest I would have imagined an amazing relationship to be. Anyone who has seen us in the last decade has sworn that this is the best relationship they have ever seen. Touchwood!!

In the last few years, life has taken a different turn and the meaning of love has changed, the meaning and extent of fairytale life has changed, the way I live and understand life has changed, the boundaries of right and wrong have drastically changed. Has it been easy? Not really..  I have questioned myself a lot. I have stressed out and let go. I now understand the struggle of getting out of an egg or a cocoon. It changes everything.

Does it mean I am in a great place. Yes and no. I am happy with all that is happening and yet there is a struggle to accept the uncertainty. I live through the struggle every day. There are days when death sounds better and then there are days of total gratitude. There is so much happening all the time in relationships and work and life that it is sometimes overwhelming. I totally understand that  my pain and struggle comes from how it should be and yet the pain exists due to non acceptance of how things sometimes are and my need to hold onto certain things and people.

I physically sense the changes in me everyday and how my thinking and how my beliefs and thought process is changing. It’s amazing how much life is changing now on a daily basis. I wait everyday to see what’s in store and what will it make of me. I am loving the person I am becoming more and more each day. A bird who has tasted freedom and will never return to the cage again. A woman in process of becoming independent. A carefree gypsy who explores more travels. A Badass Bitch who does not give a fuck to a lot of shit that she used to.

Life is grand and amazing!! and indeed a Fairytale!!